Not an hour ago...well, almost exactly an hour ago...I was sitting in a
large ceramic basin attached to my wall and floor.  Oddly enough, it was
filled with water, and this basin oddly enough filled with wa-wa had the
magical properties of cleanliness.  In fact, this magical basin attached
to my bathroom wall and floor oddly enough filled with wa-wa was so clean
that it's cleanliness rubbed off on other people, like a balloon on the
head, and makes one squeeky clean.

Okay, so I was in the bathtub.

Well, I was in this...bathtub (which is really a magical basin attached to
my bathroom wall and floor oddly enough filled with wa-wa)... it occured
to me that my dues to the almighty goddess, Merriweather Sugarpuss
Barfitun Thor, had not yet been paid.  So, requesting forgiveness and
seaking to appease Merriweather Sugarpuss Barfitun Thor, I cunningly made
an effort of self-sacrifice.

Removing the Sacrificial Blade of Nair from its holy swirly-pearly purple
sheath upon the side of the bathtub which is really a magical basin
attached to my bathroom wall and floor oddly enough filled with wa-wa (did
I mention that it also contains the Most Yummy Bar of Soapy Goodness Which
is Not Really Very Yummy?), I bared my left leg before the Sacrificial
Blade of Nair and succeeded in bringing forth a worthy sacrifice.  Thus,
wrapping my leg in the Once Upon A Wine that is now red holy basin
accompaniment cloth, I sat in the magical basin attached to my wall and
floor in my bathroom and oddly enough filled with wa-wa next to the
sacrificial blade of Nair and the Most Yummy Bar of Soapy Goodness Which
is Not Really Very Yummy that pet the cat that chewed my hat that lived in
the porta-potty that Newton built!...and bled.