Your shadows have followed my name.
For two long years I have waited.  Heaven only knows for what.  All rational thought directs me to the conclusion that I could only have been waiting for some demented prayer to fall down around me in a perfect circle of pink rose petals, and everything would be handed to me on the proverbial silver platter.

As though that would have improved my situation any. Desire is the cruel nymph woven of a thousand silken strands of hope, and nothing more.  This is a bold assessment of the creature that has plagued my life these eternal two years, but by all means the truth and half the answer to my problem.  Of course the latter part of what could have been a most euphoric solution existed as a barrier between myself and my sanity, which presented a rather grand problem in itself.  The question was only this: how
could such a narrow minded figure such as this entity, desire, a creature so easily summed up, possibly have shaped my life in the most devastating of ways?

The desire that breeds like a parasite off the most delicate of Eden's fruits, my emotions and the very heart that drives me onward, is not a desire bred with shame.  It is not a thing to be hidden beneath night's sinister cloak, but rather a sweet perfection that exists only in innocence, and thrives off of the golden sun's bountiful rays but shrivels in the indecency of secrecy.  By this I mean it was completely innocent love. Rather than this, and above all, it was an obsession.  Being that I did not know you, I had built you up in my rampant imagination to be the very essence of perfection achievable in a human.  And through this my downfall came.

It was a dream to meet you, to have you know my name and call me by it, but it was only a vain hope that you would live up to my phenomenal expectations.  Indeed you are completely the picture of all that is wonderful in a man, but you are not what I had envisioned you.  It was only a childish dream that never could have survived in reality, as I well knew, but nonetheless I subconsciously lived off of this dream like my desire lived off of my folly.  But I had not realized how essential this dream had
became to me, and how devastating it would be to have it shatter in front of me.

I cannot emphasize it enough that you were always as fantastic as you could realistically be, in my misguided sore eyes, and do not let the fact that my silly aspirations were indeed, as I have said, silly, and that you were not what I wanted you to be, affect your opinion of yourself in the slightest of ways.  But I had watched you with the utmost discretion for two insane years before a chance brought by friendships finally introduced us to one another. Even after then I had still longed for you and your perfection that I had dreamed up, and I suppose I did until merely three hours ago.  That space of three hours was how long it was before my heart collected its shattered pieces and my hands ceased their violent tremors.

I do not regret what happened, and I believe I handled it as well as could be expected when I had indeed been destined to eventually come to this sad plight.  In these three hours that have passed, I have experienced pure sadness, agony, and the writhing pains in my heart that could only be called love sickness.  I felt I could have died at any given moment.  And indeed
even at the worst times of my shock I was plagued by the twisting of my insides at the realization of the pain I also put my dearest companions through, for they could only watch me break down in the tears that had begun at the moment of my flight, and do nothing, when every instinct in their being wanted to comfort me.  They knew they could not help, and I appreciate their painful restraint, for I knew it came at high costs.

But your name was haunting me those impossibly long three hours, and mine as well.  It is in fact your name that has washed away as I finally have come to a calm state that can be described only as melancholy.  And that is why it is my own name that haunts me, for when I heard you say it that moment before I fled in a plague of rushing tears, I knew you saw me only as another person; not a lover, not a dream, not a destiny.  That epiphany has led me here to these pieces of paper.

I only wish to explain why I turned away from you so suddenly, as you could only have made simple guesses at why I ran from you in such a state.  I will not trouble you further if in fact I have done anything beyond puzzling you. It was only a foolish dream invented by a neglected heart that was all too desperate for a real sense of love and care; a heart that saw your image as a perfect subject for worship.

In all I am shocked myself, though for different reasons then I'm sure you are.  I am rather astonished that I have discarded my dream so quickly, having gone through a state of denial in a mere hour.  However all of the conflicting emotions that have been piled into these last three hours have exhausted me, and I fear I shall never love again, because of all things that are untrue in this world, of all the lies and shattered dreams, I know this alone is true:

You have been more to me than anyone could ever be.  Whatever becomes of our relationship--friendship would be most grand after my recent episode and this confession--I wish to say, so be it.  You have been a beautiful dream that I just could not reach and was not meant to reach, an obsession that came to an end in due time.  You have indeed been that proverbial silver
platter to me, and no human being on this earth has done more for me than what you have unknowingly done.  Despite my slightly lingering feelings of anguish, I feel as though I am floating on a cloud of happiness that comes with this confession and the lifting of my burden that went unspoken for two years, and that cloud is the only cloud in the sky.  However I do not feel that I am quite ready to relinquish my precious silver platter, and I only wish that you give me time to let all of these events sink in fully.

But even as I write this, I know that I am truly cursed by the shadow you so innocently left on my name, despite all of this.

Whether it be in quiet admiration or undying friendship, I do believe I truly shall love you forever, and no person could have given me a more precious gift, and it is for this you have my eternal gratitude.

With all sincerity.