In the so-called fevered pace life operates on, inspirational gurus urge us to take a pause from the daily rush and smell the delicate, velvet-petaled roses.

  I am allergic to roses.

  Therefor, I feel this is an out-of-date theory.  For the many others like me, plagued by allergies and terrified of missing a dose of the medications they have received for this purpose, there must be a simple, modern alternative.  By modern, I do not mean turn on your N-64 and blow away some bad guys.  Even a leisurely drive around town has become obsolete, unless one is fond of other drivers putting their horns to use for your benefit. (However if you wish to employ this policy of a slow drive, I urge you to also purchase, along with a full tank of gas and an AAA membership, one of those trendy plastic Jesus figurines to place on your dash board, just in case.)

  To discover the perfect equivalent of "stop and smell the roses", one must clear their mind of all pressing matters, think yourself back to a state of euphoria, and twist yourself into a pretzel-like shape.  For many this may work, but as my thoughts linger upon this idea, the words "not a chance" come to mind.   So what remains for the uninspired, lazy, and allergic members of the human race like myself?

  The answer is simple.  Look, my friends, at the simple genius behind making pancakes.

  I cannot begin to elaborate upon the joy I get from cracking an egg one-handed, as I learned to do from the original version of the film Sabrina, and releasing the yolk into a mixture of Bisquick and 100% Lactose Free milk (yes, pancakes can be allergy and lactose intolerant-friendly).  Pancakes are time-efficient, with the great invention of the aforementioned box of Bisquick.  And if one is feeling tense, release the angry bonds that hold you back as you take your little fork and beat some ingredients together.  Might I remind you, these actions bear fruit, in the form of a delicious breakfast, making for a healthy, yummy start to
your hectic day.

  Can't cook very well?  Acquire a taste for charred pancakes.

  So, ladies and germs, if you have a box of extra-strength tissues handy, stop and smell the roses, and if you're eager to get some mileage on your automobile and you have the extra cash, drive around aimlessly for a while.  If you're flexible, head to a yoga class.   But if you sympathize with me, you might be simply an average American Joe (which is not such a bad thing after all), so get out your ladle and griddle, and remember to avoid catching your sleeve on fire.  In short, it's pancake time.