You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

You own only three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

You know the four seasons: winter, still witner, almost winter and construction.

The most effective mosquito repelant is a shotgun.

There is only one shopping plaza in town.

You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only eight buttons.

You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.

You live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one yard above the ground.

The mosquitos have landing lights.

You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snowmobile boots.

You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.

You've taken your kids-trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

The hardware store on any Saturday is busier than toy stores at Christmas.

You think the start of deer hunting season is a national holiday.

At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.

You design your kids' Halloween costumes to fit over their snowsuits.

You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

Driving is better in the winter because potholes get filled with snow.

You find 20 degrees below zero a little chilly.

You can play road hockey on ice skates.

Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.

Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.

The mayor greets you on the street by your first name.

The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.

You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.