You've ever bragged about your driving time to Toronto.

You've ever crossed the border just -

• to buy beer at Brewer's Retail, because you think it has more
• alcohol than what's sold in the US
• to buy cheese
• to buy fireworks
• to eat at a Chinese restaurant
• to attend the "Canadian Ballet"
• to buy gasoline (in the early 1980s)
• to buy clogs (in the late 1970s)

You call ;

• Bon-Ton "AM&A's"
• Kauffman's "Hengerer's"
• Quality Markets "Bells"
• Buffalo State College "State Teacher's"
• Daemen College "Rosary Hill College"
• TCI "Courier Cable"
• Adelphia "International Cable"
• Super Flea "GEX"

You call an apartment a "flat," British-style.

Your mother still has a metal "downtown charge plate" in her purse.

You've seen apartments listed in the paper by church parish * and you know where all of them are.

You use the word "the" before the numbers of expressways, like "The 290," "the 90", "The 400"...and so on...

You save Canadian coins - to use in the toll booths.

You still have boxes from Hengerer's, Bergers, AM&A's, Hens & Kelly and Sattler's in your closet.

You've held a "waveathon" at four way stop intersections ("No, you go...")

When someone says a "family restaurant," you think of names like "The Olympus," "The Acropolis," and "The Agean," not Denny's or Perkins.

You can tell what part of town someone is from because of their accent.

You watch Canadian television, just so you can see US shows a day or two earlier than they would appear in the States.

Your pockets are filled with old Metro Rail tickets.

Your house has a "Florida room" and an above-ground swimming pool.

You go "Sshhhhhh" whenever a story about a fire or the Bills appears on the news.

You can make the coins land perfectly in the toll basket at 20 MPH or higher.

You grew up watching

• "The Uncle Bobby Show,"
• "The Beachcombers,"
• "The King of Kensington"
• and "Sesame Street " in French.

You think it's quite acceptable to take a day off work on - Dyngus Day, St. Joseph's day, or the Monday after a Bill's victory.

You use your garage as the living room during the summer, move all your old furniture out there...and put a big screen over where the over head door would be.

You can recite Metro Rail announcements from memory: "nosmokingeatingdrinkingplayingofradiosortapeplayersinalNFTAvehiclesand
stationTheatrestationthisisthelaststopinthefreefarezone,etc.  "

You don't really think there's anything wrong with Pat Gambino Ford commercials.

You know the punchline to the joke "what's the difference between a Canadian and a canoe?"

Your apartment has a real dining room.

You have a plow on the front of your truck - and leave it on all year.

You know the lyrics to :

• "You Know We're Gonna' Win That Cup"
•  The Bills "Shout" song
• Any song by Rush
• "Talkin' Proud"
• The Crystal Beach "pay one price" jingle
• The Tops "Tops never stops saving you more" jingle
•  The Sattlers "998 Broadway" jingle, even if you weren't alive when they were still open .

You've nearly gotten into fights over topics like:

• Malecki vs. Sahlen vs. Shelly vs. Wardynski (hot dogs)
• Anchor Bar vs. Duffs (chicken wings)
•  Bocce Club vs. Leonardi's (pizza)
• Tops vs. Wegmans (supermarkets)
• Labatts vs. Molson
• Weber's Horshradish Mustard is the best

You go to Niagara Falls for the outlet shopping and the Italian food, not the scenery.

You spend hours planning drives to avoid toll booths.

Your snowblower has more horsepower than your car...and use it about as often.

You've ever sarcastically said "Fun? Wow!"

One of your friends claims to have known Ani DiFranco or a Goo Goo Doll from high school.

You have more than one shovel in your garage.

Your car has more rust than exposed paint.

You stocked up on Malecki hot dogs after you heard the company was going out of business.

You never put away the winter clothes.

You've ever gotten a speeding ticket on the Youngmann Expressway ("The 290") - but still drive insanely fast on it.

While living out of town, you've said to your friends :

• "back home you could get a case of Labatts for twelve bucks!"
• "back home, this house would go for 80K!"
• "back home, you could get a large cheese and pepperoni pizza for seven bucks"!
•  "back home, the bars close at 4:00 AM!"
• "you call this snow?"
• "you call this cold?"
•  "you call this a supermarket?"
•  "you call these wings?"
•  "you call this pizza?"
•  "you call this Italian food?"
•  "you call these taxes high?"
•  "they're closing the schools for this?"

You know that "uppers" and "lowers" aren't drugs.

You add an apostrophe-s to the names of most businesses:

• Blockbuster's,
• Rite Aid's,
• Olive Garden's,
• KMart's,
• Wal-Mart's...etc.

You don't let a blinding snowstorm stop you from driving erractically 70 MPH down the Thruway during rush hour so you won't be late..

You hate Genesee Cream Ale, but crave it when you're in another state.

You've fallen asleep waiting for the light to change at the intersection of Niagara Falls Blvd. and Sheridan Drive.

You live on a street that:

• changes names at every block
• has a very "ethnic" sounding name
• isn't plowed until spring
• is bumpier than a jeep trail in the high Rockies

You think the idea of "California pizza" is as sacrilegious as cheering for the Miami Dolphins.

You can't watch a news program without hearing "Do you know where your children are?"

It will always be Pilot Field.

You forget Niagara Falls is a major wonder of the world.

You could name at least 10 Collision repair shops in your neighborhood

You ever lived in a house or apartment where the bedrooms are directly off the living room or kitchen.

You watch the Bills on TV with the sound turned down, and the radio turned to the game...Go Van Miller!
 
 
 

You ask "so, what are you?" when someone tells you their last name.

You think a 150,000 square foot supermarket is small.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE FROM CHEEKTOWAGA IF;

Your favorite restaurant :

• has its windows covered in neon beer signs
• has Keno monitors scattered all around the dining area
• has a bar in the front, with the dining area in the back
• has no waitresses younger than 50
• has a non-smoking section consisting of one table
• is in an old house, and has an apartment upstairs
• has its name in light colored shingles on the roof
• Is host to bands with names like "Joey Delvecchio and his Orchestra", or "The U Crest Polka Masters".
• has a menu that looks like it hasn't changed since 1958
• is regularly cited for health code violations - which must mean the food is really good.

You live on a street that :

• is named after something French
• has a girl's name
• has a name with religious overtones ("Rosary Drive," "St. Jude Court," etc.)
• has a name that is impossible to pronounce by most people outside the town.

You have a name that is impossible to pronounce by most people outside the town.

You drive a pre-cab forward era Chrysler product (Aries, Reliant, Dynasty, New Yorker, anything else built on the K platform, etc.)

You can talk for hours on end about which restaurant in town has the best fish fry.

You wear white socks with dress shoes, and black socks with sneakers.

You consider the following "high culture" :

• sitting on the 50 yard line at Bills games
• the Sunday morning polka shows that fill the airwaves in Buffalo
• a Starving Artist show Watercolor of Pope John Paul II hung just right on your wood paneled wall.
• The Dyna-Tones at the St. Stanislaus Day festival in Town Park .
• Variety Club Telethon.

You end most of your sentences with the word "der".

Pierogies are a regular part of your diet.

You spend more time and money maintaining your lawn than your house.

Your name is Rita or Stanley.

You're a third generation American, but you still have an accent that makes you sound like you're from the "da' olt country."

You go to church on Saturday.

You ever said "When the Walden Galleria opens up, I'll never shop there, Thruway Mall is just fine for me."

You regularly attend fireman's picnics and lawn fetes.

You have one or more of the following on your front lawn:

•  pink flamingo
• shiny colored orb on a pedestal
• silhouette of a hick leaning against a tree
• shrine to the Buffalo Bills
• a concrete goose that's dressed up funny
• a lawn jockey  that's black
• wooden cutout of a fat butt bending over
• plastic deer jugs filled with water, because you think it keeps dogs from peeing on your lawn.

You have a "kegmeister" in your living room - filled with ice cold Genesee Cream Ale.

You carry a scanner or walkie-talkie with you everywhere.

You still don't eat meat on Frida y.

Butter seems strange unless it comes in the form of a lamb.

You have a light bar on the roof of your truck.